I’ll try not to, anyway.
(Adapted from a recipe in Gourmet magazine / February 2004, my version shows off my homemade chocolate wafer cookies, beaten senseless at the altar of pie crust. Keep in mind, though, the cookies are darkly delicious on their own with a tall glass of cold milk [you will have extra wafers].)
(for the cookie crust; if you prefer, use store-bought chocolate wafers or graham crackers):
1 stick salted butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3-4 tablespoons skim milk
1 cup plus 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
scant 1/4 teaspoon salt
In a small bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside.
Putting the pig to work.
Beat softened butter until creamy; add sugars and beat on high speed until incorporated and fluffy.
Turn mixer to low; beat in milk and gradually add flour mixture 1/4 cup at a time.
Stop mixing once flour is fully incorporated and dough has come together.
Place dough on sheet of waxed paper or plastic wrap and form into a log, the diameter of which will be the approximate width of your cookies once sliced.
Refrigerate log for about an hour.
Position racks in upper and lower thirds of oven. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease two baking sheets.
Slice dough log into 1/4-inch-thick rounds. Place on cookie sheets.
Bake in preheated oven for 10-13 minutes, depending on the thickness of your dough. Rotate baking sheets at about the 6-minute mark.
Transfer cookies to wire racks to cool completely.
1 1/3 cups chocolate wafer crumbs (from homemade wafers —recipe above — or store-bought; crush cookies in food processor or place in food-storage bag and beat with rolling pin.)
1/4 cup sugar
5 tablespoons butter, melted
2/3 cup granulated sugar
4 large egg yolks (I save the whites for a breakfast sandwich)
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cups whole milk (do not use low-fat or skim)
5 ounces bittersweet chocolate (60-70 percent cacao), melted
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup heavy cream
1 heaping tablespoon sugar (or less; the pie is rich, and I find too-sweet cream overkill)
For the crust:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees (rack should be in middle position).
With fork, mix wafer crumbs with sugar and melted butter until fully incorporated.
Press crumb mixture into 9-inch pie plate, being sure to make it at least 2/3 of the way up the side.
Bake in preheated oven for about 15 minutes. Let cool completely on wire rack while you make the filling.
For the filling:
In a large heavy-bottom saucepan, whisk together egg yolks, sugar, cornstarch and salt (do not turn on burner for this step).
Slowly add milk, whisking continuously while you turn the burner on medium heat.
Bring to boil, whisking all the while, then reduce heat and simmer for about a minute, still whisking passionately. (I’m sure you’ve caught on to the importance of nonstop whisking. Whisk like you’ve never whisked before. If you do, the promise of creamy, lump-free decadence is yours.)
The filling should be thick. Take off the heat and transfer to large bowl. (At this point, Gourmet instructs one to push the filling through a fine-mesh sieve; well, this one couldn’t find her sieve. I momentarily considered forcing it through my flour sifter but upon further reflection smartly decided against it. After all, I whisked like the dickens and felt confident my custard was lump and bump free. Upon feasting later, I discovered I was right.)
Whisk in both chocolates, vanilla and softened butter, mixing thoroughly.
Cover surface of filling with greased round of wax paper (to avoid formation of a funky skin) and let cool completely in the fridge (about 2 hours).
Spoon chilled filling into crust and refrigerate pie, 6 hours or overnight.
When you can’t take it any longer, whip cream and sugar with electric mixer until fluffy. Top pie with cream and have at it.
I had this for breakfast.